Assumptions killed Trayvon Martin

My previous post about Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman can be found here. I still stand behind every word.

Not long after the Trayvon Martin story broke, I found myself in a similar situation to George Zimmerman. I wasn't on neighborhood watch duty. I was, however, making my way through an empty parking lot with two toddlers and trying to go to Parks Mall. All while there was a torrential downpour.
Stressful enough, right?
As I passed a row of cars, and happened upon two African American teenaged boys wearing hoodies. They practically came out of nowhere.
As I am wrangling my two kids while heading to the entrance, I look into the reflection of the glass doors and the teens running towards me.
As they passed me they looked back at me. Not with a smile or a grimace -- just a look.
And then, they stopped.
As I got closer to the doors, they opened them and said, "Here ya go ma'am."
I was appalled at the thought of being a "ma'am."
But, I let it slide and graciously thanked them for their help.
It was so appreciated and it actually made my day.
You won't believe how many times teenaged boys have walked into a door in front of me while I was pushing a stroller with one hand and trying to contain the walker/runner toddler with the other only to let it shut behind them. Not just African American teenaged boys -- all types -- from every race, religion and class.
So no matter what the boys looked like, it was nice to see that chivalry was not dead.
Are you wondering what this has to do with Trayvon Martin?
Like these two boys, he was doing something normal teenaged boys would be doing. They were going to hang out at the mall, and he was walking home from the convenient store with a drink and candy while chatting with a girl.
 I am glad I didn't view these kids as suspicious for doing nothing more than walking towards my direction.
I could have turned around and gave them a nervous look.
I could have clutched my purse and started walking a little faster.
I could have turned around and told them to back off and stop following me.
And when I saw them running towards me, I could have massed them in the face out of fear.
Any scenarios I mentioned above would have stopped those boys from trying to help me and would have absolutely been wrong on my part.
Also, like Martin, these two gentleman happened to be black.
However, the death of Martin and the tragic events leading up to it goes much deeper than skin color.
 In all honesty, I think Zimmerman would have acted the same way regardless of skin color.
The problem wasn't race. It was assumptions and misperceptions. It caused things to escalate very quickly and ultimately end a young man's life.
From reports I have read, I gathered Zimmerman was an overzealous guy with a hero complex trying to save the day.
 That leads me to believe that he would have approached any teenaged boy wearing a hoodie that night - white, black, Asian or Mexican.
Zimmerman assumed Martin was up to no good and was trying to burglarize houses. Reports say he told the  dispatcher he noticed the kid walking around looking at  houses.
He was also advised to stay in the car and not follow Martin and that police were on the way. I am sure he initially followed him because he didn't want the police to lose track of him. I am sure he wanted to get an "atta boy" from police for assisting and preventing a crime.
 Martin also assumed was Zimmerman had some nefarious plans in mind. He told a friend that a "creepy a-- cracker" was following him. The friend on the other end of the line later testified that the phrase meant pervert.
If  Zimmerman's perception of Martin was the fuse. The teenager's perception of Zimmerman was the match.
Zimmerman was found not guilty, but what he did wasn't OK. He acted recklessly. I've heard many people say that Martin shouldn't have reacted to Zimmerman chasing him. He shouldn't have ran and he shouldn't have fought with him. Perhaps they are right. But he was a teenager doing nothing wrong. He was likely alarmed by a stranger in plain clothes following him. For all he knew, a creep was chasing him to mug him.
While found not guilty in a court of law, he will have to wrestle with the fact that he ended a young boy's life. He may justify that it was self defense. But, when he is all alone and the house is quiet, his mind may start wandering. Scenarios likely will play through his head. What if I listened to the dispatcher? What if I hadn't have chased him? What kind of man would Martin turned out to be? Unfortunately, we'll never know because of his actions.

I will close with this food for thought. Zimmerman and Martin have both been portrayed as villains and saints in the public eye. Some news outlets showed a old picture of a younger, angelic looking Martin and a dated mugshot of Zimmerman. Others Showed a thuggish looking Martin and a smiling picture of Zimmerman. Often, it is likely somewhere in between.

Mi Amor

"It's kind of hard to write to someone I may not even know yet, but I just want to say that even if I don't know your face, I think about you often and the happiness we will share. I can't wait to share our life together." - Adrian Hager

I am getting nostalgic as my husband and I embark on our 7th anniversary.
I went to my bookshelf and pulled out the journal to the man who would one day be my future husband -- even before I knew who he was. Weird, right? Who writes in paper journals anymore? 
 I guess I can be romantic at times.
I always envisioned having the journal sent to his dressing room while we were getting ready for our wedding. I wanted him to know that I did not tread lightly on my decision to give my heart to him forever. It is something that I have been praying about for long before we ever met.
 
 I began looking through entries one night after the kids were in bed -- I laughed, I cried and I questioned some decisions my 20-year-old self thought she knew about love and life.
 
I began looking at the entries a few months before I met Chuck and this excerpt from January, 2004 made me laugh.

Jan. 21, 2004

"... It's not up to me when and how I meet you, so I guess I will be patient and wait."

Little did I know I would be meeting my husband in exactly one month from that entry. We met at a pool hall on a whim. As soon as I saw him, I was smitten. When I heard him sing, I cannot confirm nor deny that I floated of the ground for a few seconds while little cartoon hearts hovered above my head.

March 8, 2004

"Well I finally met a 'potential guy.' We have been hanging out a lot lately. Who knows. But the good thing is it is a step in the right direction ... I am really happy right now, and it has been a really long time since I have been happy.

The entry above was four days before our first official date. We had previously been hanging out with friends and such, but nothing serious. But since March, 12 2004, we've been inseparable.

July 25, 2005

"It's kinda funny, one of my last entries was about a 'potential guy' and he is now going to be my future husband. I now have a name to write in this book."

Chuck asked me to marry him on the 4th of July under fireworks. I like to think of it as "our holiday." It was amazing. He worked so hard setting up the perfect proposal, which included the grand finale to go off as soon as I said yes.

Sept. 1, 2005

"Sometimes it scares me  how much I love you! I've never felt this way about someone and I never will again ... I found my dress and I can't wait to see the look on your face when you see me."

The wedding started to get real once I had my dress. As soon as my mom saw me in it, she began to cry. That may be the universal sign that it is the right dress.

June 17, 2006

"Well today I am going to become your wife. I love it! I can't wait to hear you sing to me. You're going to do great. I am going to wake up tomorrow as your wife! I can't wait! We're going to be married in three hours! Love, Ader

It was such an amazing day. Not everything went as planned - some of the wedding party showed up really late, the flowers for my bouquets got ruined when someone decided to put them in the back of a truck to drive them to the church an I had to find my "something barrowed" about three minutes before I walked down the aisle. But at the end of the day, I was marrying my best friend. A man that I couldn't imagine loving anymore than I did on that day.
Well, I was wrong.
It's seven years later, my love for him has grown immensely. He has seen me at my best and has loved me fiercely. But, he has also been there for my "not so pretty" moments and has loved me just the same.
This whole marriage thing is just getting better with time. It isn't always fun. And sometimes things are tough, but I couldn't imagine walking through this crazy life with a better partner than the one I have!

Mommyhood: The coolest club

Jake asked me today if I remembered the day he was born.
I looked at him, smiled and said, "It was one of the happiest moments in my life."
He gave me a curious grin and then asked, "Why?"
"That is the day God decided that I would be your Mommy," I replied.

March 12, 2008: My initiation into Mommyhood

I woke up around 3 a.m. with labor pains. Nothing bad, just a little uncomfortable. It was weeks before my due date and although I had wished this day would hurry and come for months, suddenly I was a little panicked.
I didn't think I was ready to be a mother. Jake still had some cooking to do before making his grand debut and I needed that time to prepare. I was also a little scared at the thought of being responsible for someone's well-being.
What if I broke him?
Part of me was screaming, "You should have thought about that 9 months ago!"
The other half was just overwhelmed with crazy pregnancy hormones. (They make you a little weird y'all.)
But, those thoughts and insecurities melted away the second I held my beautiful 8 lb. 5 oz. squishy little boy.
In that instance, a switch was flipped on and a light came shining down - I was a full-fledged mamma.
That didn't mean that I had it all figured out by any means.
I still don't, even after popping out another one.(I am sure I won't no matter how many children I have.)
But what I have figured out, through many tears, sleepless nights and tons of laughter is: I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be there.
Today my son was asked why he loved me.
His response melted me heart.
He said: "She gives me chocolate milk and plays baseball with me."
The first part of his response just cracks me up. I mean, who doesn't love chocolate milk?
The second part makes my heart sing.
He just likes being with me.
He doesn't care what we're doing. It doesn't have to be expensive activities. He just wants me there.
I want to strive and do more of this.
Even as a stay-at-home mom, I can get busy.
I sometimes find myself saying, "not right now ... hold on ... just a minute ..."
When I do catch myself, I stop everything to give my kids my undivided attention.
I never want them to think that Mom is too busy for them or their problems.
My goal for this upcoming year is to not let the busy world interfere with my special time with my babies. After all, they grow up so quick.
In a few short months, Jake will head off to kindergarten. I will blink and he will be graduating.
I want to savor every minute of it.

Happy Mothers Day to all you hot mammas and mammas-to-be!
XOXO, Ader

It's not that simple ...

With an over abundance of news stories stemming from the Newtown, CT shooting, the gun debate has heated up.
The solution isn't as simple as "lock up all the mentally unstable" or "ban all guns" - both are arguments I have seen people screaming over the Internet over the week since the shooting happened.
And by screaming, I mean, people are getting serious about the issue and typing in all caps.
Mental health professionals are trying to stress that mental illness does not always equate to violence.
Some experts suggest the mentally ill are more likely to become a victim of violence.

 The National Rifle Association (NRA) recently released a statement that an armed policeman should be placed in all schools and congress should foot the bill ... by Congress, that would be the taxpayers (you and I).
What the NRA has to say
Honestly, having an armed security guard at Sandy Hook may have not helped.
The guard would have likely only had a hand gun on him. I am not a guns expert, but I doubt it would have been a match to the semi-automatic rifle the gunman, Adam Lanza, had.

Where do we draw the line?

Here is where I am conflicted - outside of killing, what is the point of a semi-automatic assault riffle?
If you needed to defend your family or home would a rifle or handgun not be able to do that?
If you went hunting with it, would you be able to bring home meat to eat?
If someone can give me a better answer than "If I want a semi-automatic assault rifle, it is my God given right," let me hear it. I will listen.
I am trying to educate myself on this issue as well.

Some may fear that if they ban semi-automatic rifles, then it  might be easier to ban rifles next ... and then all guns. It is a very slippery slope.

But, I don't think that is what the nation as a whole wants. Banning military-grade weapons will do.
62% of Americans Now Support a Ban on Semi-Automatic Assault Rifles and Clips

I wouldn't support an ban of all guns

I wouldn't paint myself as a gun enthusiast. I do not have a gun in my home and that is by choice. But, I believe people have the right to have guns if they choose.
If someone wanted to have a handgun or rifle in their home to defend themselves or their family - by all means. But, I think a normal firearm would be sufficient.
Also, nearly my whole family hunts.
I reap the benefits of that - we love family get-togethers that involve deer fajitas and we will drop everything to attend.

Tighter restrictions on private gunshows is something I think our nation should look at

It was alarming to read in the article linked below that nearly three-quarters of our states do not have laws requiring background checks during private-party sales.
Nearly 40 percent of gun transactions in America occur through private party sales

I know that in itself would not have stopped the shooter at Sandy Hook, his mother had purchased her firearms legally. But, what about the next time? I know I sound cynical ... but in the world we live in today, there will always be a next one.

So what is the solution?

I wish I had it, but I don't. I think our country needs to look at both issues - mental health and gun control.

Read 'I am Adam Lanza's Mother'
It is a blog from a mother who has struggled dealing with her son who has mental health issues as well as the difficulties it is getting help for him.

I think we can come up with a better solution that aids people in the situation that the author, Liza Long, are in. The "until they hurt themselves or someone else" approach isn't acceptable any longer.

 We need to work on both issues. Again, I have heard the argument that we need to get the mentally ill off the street.

It is not that simple.

I think when people do say "We need to get the mentally ill off the street," they are meaning the "scary mentally ill" such as schizophrenics. In television and movies, the "scary mentally ill person" is normally portrayed as a schizophrenic.

 And yes, schizophrenics can be a threat to others or themselves when not monitored or medicated. But often, when on their medication, can live productive lives.

What is mental health?

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, mental health is defined as any medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning.

I am not an expert in this field either, but I believe that would include: Down Syndrome, Depression, ADHD ADD, Anorexia, Bulimia and anxiety disorders ...

Do these people need to be off the streets?

No.

Again, I don't know what the solution is. But, I know our nation need to sit down and have this discussion sooner rather than later.

My heart breaks for Sandy Hook

As I sit here, my son, 4, is on the couch. His little tongue is sticking out as he concentrates on a reading game he is playing on the ipad. My daughter, 1, is carrying around one of her brother's hotwheels making "vroom" noises. The Christmas tree's lights illuminate the living room as we watch Sunday Night Football. It is a beautiful and picturesque moment for my little family of four.
And last Sunday, as we did practically the same thing - I took it for granted.
Tonight, I look at them and almost instantly tear up thinking about the senseless events that transpired on Friday.
There are 20 parents with kids not much older than my own, going through unimaginable pain.
I have been trying to come to grips with this tragedy since I first heard about the shootings early Friday morning.
It's like my brain can't process it right now.
It doesn't seem real.
I will never fully understand what drives someone to do something so horrific.
All I do know is someone has to be in a really dark place to shoot anyone - let alone 20 kids 7-years-old and younger.
 If I can find any solace from this horrible event is how heartwarming it is to see the stories that are emerging of the adults who risked everything - some paying the ultimate price - to save children.
Heroes inside Sandy Hook.
God bless those teachers and faculty members - every single one of them.

The down side

What does sting, is people already up in arms and debating everything from gun control to mental health.
Don't get me wrong - they're interesting and great topics for debate. But, in the perspective of the grieving families, these topics can wait ... at least a few days.
Instead of grieving for families, many work quick to voice their opinion on a wide variety of topics - from who is to blame to whether or not it could have been stopped.
I've seen the "take away all guns" argument
I've seen the old "guns don't kill people" argument.
I have seen the "sensationalized media is to blame" argument.
I've also seen an article that Westboro is planning on picketing Sandy Hook Elementary.
Westboro = not what Christianity is about

I do have strong opinions on all of the topics above ... but I will save them for another day. Maybe I will even share my own school shooting story when I do. But right now, I will grieve for the beautiful kids who lost their lives, as well as for the adults trying to save them.

One more thing

I saw this blog about a woman dealing with a child with behavioral issues. She has feared for her life and her family's. It kind of gives a perspective of the shooter's family. Before you try and judge anyone - always try to put yourself in their situation.

Here is a perspective on woman gives from possibly the mother of the shooters perspective.

To Whom It May Concern

I have to believe that when things you want to come to fruition fall through, it is only because God has greater things planned for you.
I truly believe that ... at the same time, I have to get it out of my brain and this is my way to give it up to God.

A little back story:

Chuck has been wanting to get back into a high school around here since we moved to Fort Worth in '08. When he found his job with a sports rehabilitation clinic, who contracts him out to the Fort Worth Cats in the summer, we thought it would likely be a one-year gig. So did his boss. He is a nice guy, but a realist - it is hard to keep someone in a job that travels three-fourths of a summer. Chuck being a family man, he knew this job was likely a stepping stone to get him to Fort Worth. Fast forward four years - Chuck still has the same job. He has mentioned to his boss that he would like go back to a high school.

Answer to our prayers?

So when an opening for an athletic trainer came about at the private schools where his boss' son attends, he gave Chuck a heads up. It just so happens that the manager of the Fort Worth Cats works there too during the school year.
With those two references, Chuck is a shoe in, right?
We start to get excited. He had his first interview in early June and it went well. He did mention at some point during the interview process that he would be out of town pretty much the complete second half of July.
 He ended up getting a call back saying he was in the running for the job with one other candidate. However, he was told the headmaster would be out of town for another week or so. Chuck just had this crazy feeling that they wouldn't call back until when he was on the road.
Flash forward to this week - Chuck gets a call back day 2 of an 11 day road trip that the headmaster wanted to meet with him the following day. He explained it all over again about how he was out of town. The secretary told him she would call him back once she found out what the head master wanted to do. The secretary called Chuck back and basically told him they would hold on to his resume, but since he couldn't come in this week, he was out of the running for the job.
I am not sure why there was such a lag between first and second interview, but Chuck getting dismissed like that over something out of his control just kind of crushed my heart. I know he wanted to get into a high school so bad. And this one sounded great.

Then I got mad and felt helpless ...

I felt helpless because Chuck got the news on the road. I wanted to be there for him to console him, or just be there to talk. But, since he was on the bus we had the convo via text. And, my phone hates me so I only got every other text .... made it very confusing to follow. Then, I started thinking about how awesome Chuck is at his job. I have never met someone with such a strong work ethic or so great at their job. And all I could think was: "This fancy smancy headmaster will never know what an awesome employee he missed out on." And yes, I literally thought that, my brain still thinks in five-year-old terms.
 So, I decided to write a letter.
*disclaimer* Chuck if you're reading this, I am not going to actually send the letter, don't worry! BUT, if I did ... this is how awesome it would be ....

The Letter ...

Headmaster Fancy Smancy Pants:

Congratulations on hiring your new athletic trainer. I am glad my husband being out of town on business made it an easy decision narrowing two candidates down to one. That pretty much was a no brainer decision for you. I am confident that the other candidate is capable of fulfilling the job requirements since they did make it to the top two, but I am afraid to inform you that you missed out on the best candidate.
Chuck was and is the best candidate for this job in so many ways. I could give you hundreds of reasons, but I will give you the key points.
Chuck does not simply fulfill the job requirements. He goes above and beyond every single day to help players get back on the field as quick as possible and to prevent them from getting injured. He is also very knowledgeable in his field, have 10 years of expierence and is an asset to whomever he works for.
As you know, Chuck is in his 4th season with the Fort Worth Cats Baseball Team. On average, he works 65 hours a week during baseball season. He is salary, so there is no overtime. He doesn't complain about the hours because he loves what he does. We, as a family, also make it work.
When players move to here for the summer to play, a lot of them do not have cars. In previous seasons, they have been put up in apartments in Burleson. This season, they are in host homes all over the metroplex. During off hours, Chuck has driven players to and from doctors appointments when they're hurt or sick.There have also been too many times where Chuck has sat in the waiting room alone for hours on a guy to come out of surgery. He doesn't mind waiting, he just wants the player to know they're not alone.
 I don't care how big and tough a baseball player is, surgery is scary and they should never have to go through it alone. I thank God that Chuck is such an amazing man, that he will put in the extra effort for his players. The Cats are in a new league this year and subtle things have changed. For instance, the home teams do not provide food for the players most of the time. It is kind of hit or miss. The players are either having to buy concession food, which isn't the best, or they're having to go without food daily from about 3-to-11 p.m. That may not sound like much time, but when they're playing in sweltering heat, a small and healthy meal after batting practice and before the game goes a long way. My husband has recently begun using his own money to buy the players healthy food as a pre-game meal. He doesn't complain. In fact, Chuck said he has noticed a difference in how they're playing with and without the meal.
While working in high schools, Chuck is a champion for the kids. He has had to make difficult decisions not to let a kid continue in a game, despite the child, a parent or a coach pressuring him to allow the kid to return to the game. But, he will not be swayed. Chuck truly cares about the well-being of the students. He believes he is responsible for their well-being while they're on the field. And he loves helping them get back to playing as fast as he can.
I never tire of listening to Chuck's stories about how a player made they winning run or scored the winning point in their first game back after injury. He gets so excited when he can help a player have a speedy recovery.
I truly hope you have made the right choice with your default candidate of choice. I am at peace with it now as well. I don't know what God's will is or what plan he has in store, but it has to be better than your school.

Sincerely,
Adrian

 How was that?

In this type of job, not much recognition is given. Honeslty, I don't think Chuck wants recognition.
But, I just felt like I needed to give a shout out to my totally awesome hubster! The ones that matter, know how great you are!

Athletic trainers' jobs are hard, but rewarding and the hours are mostly terrible. The pay isn't horrible, but with the hours they put in, it isn't wonderful either. It is enough to get by, and we are grateful for that! And besides that he is in the line of work that he loves. I wish this school would know what kind of jewel they're missing out on. Then again, ignornace is bliss.

Dallas shooting

It is Hump Day News Day.
Dallas officer shot and killed an unarmed suspect Tuesday.
Guns, drugs seized after Dallas officer killed suspect, police report
A Dallas police officer shot and killed a suspect yesterday after fleeing from police officers. According to The Star-Telegram reports, James Harper, 31, was killed by police Officer Brian Rowden after Harper and three other men fled from the house while officers tried to enter the residence. Harper and Officer Rowden jumped over three fences, the final fence led into a horse corral, where Harper turned and began to fight Rowden.
Allegedly, Harper also told Officer Rowden something to the effect of "you're going to have to kill me ..."
After Harper was killed, it was learned that he dodn't have a gun, but he had been fighting with Officer Rowden to the point where he was "overheated and exhausted, and fearing for his life," according to the police report.
A press release included a list of items seized from the house where Harper fled from, according to The Star-Telegram. A 9 mm pistol, a 12-gauge shotgun, marijuana, PCP, crack cocaine both inside and outside the residence, Xanex and hydrocodone, were among items found. There were also nine cellphones, digital scales and a partial drug ledger were found in the home, according to reports. There was also $437 found in Harper's right front pants pocket, according to The Star-Telegram reports.

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/07/25/4126453/guns-drugs-seized-after-dallas.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/07/25/4126453/guns-drugs-seized-after-dallas.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/07/25/4126453/guns-drugs-seized-after-dallas.html#storylink=cpy

By Tuesday night extra officers, some dressed in riot gear, went to the area to try and clam a crowd gathering where the incident occured.
Tragic, but Neccesary?
I can't imagine putting my life on the line everyday. Like many that have come before him, Officers Rowden can. And, the police do it daily for us. I am sure cops don't ever want to have to draw their weapon, but it is neccesary in some situations. I am not a cop, but I am guessing that is the last thing they want. This, to me, was one of those times it was needed. If a suspect is fighting hand-to-hand combat with you, won't give up and has the oppurtunity to go for your gun once you're exhausted from fighting with him - you bet you're life is threatened.
On the other side of the coin, I try and identify with Harper's family. Would I stand by my realitive - right, wrong or otherwise? I don't know, to be honest. Often, we are blinded when it comes to those we love. We only see the good in those we love. Here's what I do know though, if Harper didn't run, fight and attack Officer Rowden, he'd be alive. He'd be in jail, but alive nonetheless.

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/07/25/4126453/guns-drugs-seized-after-dallas.html#storylink=cpy